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More - Jon Stewart Quotes

I can't sing. Never been able to sing. I can't do voices very well. Every impression I do sounds the same. I can't dunk. Man, would I give anything to dunk. Just once. - Jon Stewart Quotes

I can't sing. Never been able to sing. I can't do voices very well. Every impression I do sounds the same. I can't dunk. Man, would I give anything to dunk. Just once.

But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our best to keep you informed of any late-breaking...humor we can find. Of course, our show is obviously at a disadvantage compared to the many news sources that we're competing withÃ¢â¬Â¦ at a disadvantage in several respects. For one thing, we are fake. They are not. So in terms of credibility we are, well, oddly enough, actually about even. We're about even. - Jon Stewart Quotes

But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our best to keep you informed of any late-breaking...humor we can find. Of course, our show is obviously at a disadvantage compared to the many news sources that we're competing withÃ¢â¬Â¦ at a disadvantage in several respects. For one thing, we are fake. They are not. So in terms of credibility we are, well, oddly enough, actually about even. We're about even.

Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs on everyone.' - Jon Stewart Quotes

Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs on everyone.'

Bombs

I have some sad news to report, Bjork could not be here tonight -- she was trying on her Oscar dress, and Dick Cheney shot her. - Jon Stewart Quotes

I have some sad news to report, Bjork could not be here tonight -- she was trying on her Oscar dress, and Dick Cheney shot her.

News

We'd always sworn, we're taking 60 Minutes down. You, Frontline, all you guys. You're meat. - Jon Stewart Quotes

We'd always sworn, we're taking 60 Minutes down. You, Frontline, all you guys. You're meat.

Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going,

Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"

Army

President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader. - Jon Stewart Quotes

President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.

American Entertainer Quotes

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days. - Jon Stewart Quotes

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

American Entertainer Quotes Canada

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it! - Jon Stewart Quotes

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

American Entertainer Quotes Comedy

Scores of Iraqi exiles met in London to discuss ways to overthrow Saddam Hussein in a grand gathering dubbed the 'Iraqi Military Alliance Meeting.' Of course, these people are no longer Iraqi, they have no military, and there is no alliance. But they did have a meeting. - Jon Stewart Quotes

Scores of Iraqi exiles met in London to discuss ways to overthrow Saddam Hussein in a grand gathering dubbed the 'Iraqi Military Alliance Meeting.' Of course, these people are no longer Iraqi, they have no military, and there is no alliance. But they did have a meeting.

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