The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution -
The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - ""to spew out paper."" Dave Barry
 

More - Dave Barry Quotes

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up - Dave Barry Quotes

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up

Dave Barry

 Hate
I do not mean to suggest for a moment that all it takes to be a top executive is a custom-tailored European suit. You also need the correct shirt and tie. - Dave Barry Quotes

I do not mean to suggest for a moment that all it takes to be a top executive is a custom-tailored European suit. You also need the correct shirt and tie.

Dave Barry

 Executive
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. - Dave Barry Quotes

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

Dave Barry

 American Journalist Fun
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent. - Dave Barry Quotes

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

Dave Barry

 American Journalist
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes. - Dave Barry Quotes

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

Dave Barry

 
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. - Dave Barry Quotes

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

Dave Barry

 American Journalist Children
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators. - Dave Barry Quotes

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

Dave Barry

 American Journalist Causes
The Internet

The Internet "browser"... is the piece of software that puts a message on your computer screen informing you that the Internet is currently busy and you should try again later.

Dave Barry

 
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. - Dave Barry Quotes

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

Dave Barry

 American Journalist
Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers. - Dave Barry Quotes

Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers.

Dave Barry

 
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