More - Ambrose Gwinett Bierce Quotes

MILLENNIUM, n. The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down, with all reformers on the under side.

Ambrose Gwinett Bierce

 

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

Ambrose Gwinett Bierce

 American Journalist Country

ARENA, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman wrestles with his record.

Ambrose Gwinett Bierce

 

DOG, n. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship. This Divine Being in some of his smaller and silkier incarnations takes, in the affection of Woman, the place to which there is no human male aspirant. The Dog is a survival --an anachronism. He toils not, neither does he spin, yet Solomon in all his glory never lay upon a door-mat all day long, sun-soaked and fly-fed and fat, while his master worked for the means wherewith to purchase the idle wag of the Solomonic tail, seasoned with a look of tolerant recognition.

Ambrose Gwinett Bierce

 

OLEAGINOUS, adj. Oily, smooth, sleek. Disraeli once described the manner of Bishop Wilberforce as "unctuous, oleaginous, saponaceous." And the good prelate was ever afterward known as Soapy Sam. For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.

Ambrose Gwinett Bierce

 

MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal.

Ambrose Gwinett Bierce

 

TRINITY, n. In the multiplex theism of certain Christian churches, three entirely distinct deities consistent with only one. Subordinate deities of the polytheistic faith, such as devils and angels, are not dowered with the power of combination, and must urge individually their clames to adoration and propitiation. The Trinity is one of the most sublime mysteries of our holy religion. In rejecting it because it is incomprehensible, Unitarians betray their inadequate sense of theological fundamentals. In religion we believe only what we do not understand, except in the instance of an intelligible doctrine that contradicts an incomprehensible one. In that case we believe the former as a part of the latter.

Ambrose Gwinett Bierce

 

RECTOR, n. In the Church of England, the Third Person of the parochial Trinity, the Cruate and the Vicar being the other two.

Ambrose Gwinett Bierce

 

IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors.

Ambrose Gwinett Bierce

 

DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.

Ambrose Gwinett Bierce