I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds. - Joan Rivers Quotes
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds. Joan Rivers
 American Comedian Editor's Pick Funny Quote of the Day

More - Joan Rivers Quotes

My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know. - Joan Rivers Quotes

My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.

Joan Rivers

 Children Letters
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers Quotes

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Joan Rivers

 American Comedian Birth Funny
The last time I appeared in Las Vegas, they were wearing hoop skirts and Davy Crockett hats, ... But they say 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.' And as far as fashion is concerned, that's a good thing. - Joan Rivers Quotes

The last time I appeared in Las Vegas, they were wearing hoop skirts and Davy Crockett hats, ... But they say 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.' And as far as fashion is concerned, that's a good thing.

Joan Rivers

 Las Vegas
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. - Joan Rivers Quotes

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Joan Rivers

 American Comedian Funny
Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top. - Joan Rivers Quotes

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

Joan Rivers

 American Comedian Funny
A child of one can be taught not to do certain things such as touch a hot stove, turn on the gas, pull lamps off their tables by their cords, or wake mommy before noon - Joan Rivers Quotes

A child of one can be taught not to do certain things such as touch a hot stove, turn on the gas, pull lamps off their tables by their cords, or wake mommy before noon

Joan Rivers

 
Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds. - Joan Rivers Quotes

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

Joan Rivers

 American Comedian Funny
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present. - Joan Rivers Quotes

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.

Joan Rivers

 American Comedian Funny Gifts
Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief, and, most of all, fear - Joan Rivers Quotes

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief, and, most of all, fear

Joan Rivers

 Anger
You make the beds, you wash the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again - Joan Rivers Quotes

You make the beds, you wash the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again

Joan Rivers

 
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