It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky. - Mitch Hedberg Quotes
It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky. Mitch Hedberg
 American Comedian Funny People

More - Mitch Hedberg Quotes

I think fooseball is a combination of soccer and shishkabobs. - Mitch Hedberg Quotes

I think fooseball is a combination of soccer and shishkabobs.

Mitch Hedberg

 Funny
I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show it. - Mitch Hedberg Quotes

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

Mitch Hedberg

 
On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the hell did you get that banana at... - Mitch Hedberg Quotes

On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the hell did you get that banana at...

Mitch Hedberg

 
Swiss Cheese is a rip-off! It's the only cheese I can bite into and miss! - Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Swiss Cheese is a rip-off! It's the only cheese I can bite into and miss!

Mitch Hedberg

 
I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy. - Mitch Hedberg Quotes

I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

Mitch Hedberg

 American Comedian Funny
I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide... - Mitch Hedberg Quotes

I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide...

Mitch Hedberg

 Funny Quote of the Day
I went to the store to bye a candle holder. They didn't have one so I got a cake. - Mitch Hedberg Quotes

I went to the store to bye a candle holder. They didn't have one so I got a cake.

Mitch Hedberg

 
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast. - Mitch Hedberg Quotes

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.

Mitch Hedberg

 
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means...it's dirty. - Mitch Hedberg Quotes

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means...it's dirty.

Mitch Hedberg

 
My roommate says, I'm going to take a shower and shave, does anyone need to use the bathroom? It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first. - Mitch Hedberg Quotes

My roommate says, I'm going to take a shower and shave, does anyone need to use the bathroom? It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Mitch Hedberg

 
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