When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said,
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?" Stephen Wright
 American Comedian Canada Funny

More - Stephen Wright Quotes

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? - Stephen Wright Quotes

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Stephen Wright

 American Comedian Coffee Funny
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Stephen Wright Quotes

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

Stephen Wright

 American Comedian Body Funny
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said,

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."

Stephen Wright

 Funny Quote of the Day
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. - Stephen Wright Quotes

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Stephen Wright

 American Comedian Fishing Funny
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? - Stephen Wright Quotes

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Stephen Wright

 Cats Editor's Pick Funny Quote of the Day
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it. - Stephen Wright Quotes

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

Stephen Wright

 American Comedian Funny
I saw a bank that said

I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time

Stephen Wright

 
One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. - Stephen Wright Quotes

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world.

Stephen Wright

 Dreams
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded - Stephen Wright Quotes

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded

Stephen Wright

 Cute Editor's Pick Funny Quote of the Day Short
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Stephen Wright Quotes

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

Stephen Wright

 American Comedian Funny
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