Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck. And don't call me Regis. [Advice to his guests] - David Letterman Quotes
Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck. And don't call me Regis. [Advice to his guests] David Letterman
 Advice

More - David Letterman Quotes

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red. - David Letterman Quotes

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.

David Letterman

 American Comedian Funny
the Bush administration is getting ready to ignore it. - David Letterman Quotes

the Bush administration is getting ready to ignore it.

David Letterman

 
And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a strong and independent nation that will one day hate the United States. - David Letterman Quotes

And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a strong and independent nation that will one day hate the United States.

David Letterman

 American Comedian Funny
A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag. - David Letterman Quotes

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag.

David Letterman

 American Comedian Funny
Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel. - David Letterman Quotes

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.

David Letterman

 American Comedian Funny
Today is a big day in TV history. On this day forty-one years ago, the Beverly Hillbillies aired for the first time right here on CBS. They took a little break, then in 1992, they moved into the White House for eight years. - David Letterman Quotes

Today is a big day in TV history. On this day forty-one years ago, the Beverly Hillbillies aired for the first time right here on CBS. They took a little break, then in 1992, they moved into the White House for eight years.

David Letterman

 
Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing. - David Letterman Quotes

Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.

David Letterman

 Quotes
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman Quotes

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

David Letterman

 American Comedian Funny
Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger. - David Letterman Quotes

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

David Letterman

 American Comedian Funny
The Security and Exchanges Commission is going to be investigating Vice President Dick Cheney. They'll begin that investigation as soon as Congress finishes investigating the Security and Exchanges Commission. - David Letterman Quotes

The Security and Exchanges Commission is going to be investigating Vice President Dick Cheney. They'll begin that investigation as soon as Congress finishes investigating the Security and Exchanges Commission.

David Letterman

 
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