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【TOP 45】Funny Quotes - WhatsApp Status | Page-48

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It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money. - Deep Thoughts ( Saturday Night Live) - Jack Handy Quotes

It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money. - Deep Thoughts ( Saturday Night Live)

Funny

Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books. - Jack Handy Quotes

Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.

Funny

Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live) - Jack Handy Quotes

Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

Funny

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like now. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live) - Jack Handy Quotes

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like now. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

Funny

I think a good product would be Baby Duck Hat. It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then all of the sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man those ducks really take off! Also Baby Duck Hat is good for parties. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live) - Jack Handy Quotes

I think a good product would be Baby Duck Hat. It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then all of the sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man those ducks really take off! Also Baby Duck Hat is good for parties. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

Funny

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live) - Jack Handy Quotes

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

Funny

Well, excuuuuuse me! - Steve Martin Quotes

Well, excuuuuuse me!

American Comedian Funny

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney. - Steven Wright Quotes

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

Funny

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night. - Charlie Brown Quotes

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.

Funny Quote of the Day

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy Quotes

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Funny

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to. - Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

American Comedian Funny

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy. - Spike Milligan Quotes

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Funny Irish Comedian

You can't have everything. Where would you put it? - Steven Wright Quotes

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

American Comedian Funny

Together with script writers Syd green and Dick Hills, we worked on the comedy ideas for this series. - Eric Morecambe Quotes

Together with script writers Syd green and Dick Hills, we worked on the comedy ideas for this series.

British Comedian Funny

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.' - Tommy Cooper Quotes

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'

British Comedian Funny

Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy. - Spike Milligan Quotes

Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.

Funny Irish Comedian

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked. - Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.

Funny

The New England Jornal of Medicine reports that nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno Quotes

The New England Jornal of Medicine reports that nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Funny

When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I was an only child...eventually. - Quotes

When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I was an only child...eventually.

Funny

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. - Quotes

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Funny Quote of the Day

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. - Quotes

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

Editor's Pick Funny Quote of the Day

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder - Quotes

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder

Cute Funny Quote of the Day

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. - Quotes

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Cute Funny Short

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak. - Quotes

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Funny

One should love animals. They are so tasty. - Quotes

One should love animals. They are so tasty.

Funny Quote of the Day

Practice makes perfect.....But nobody's perfect......so why practice? - Quotes

Practice makes perfect.....But nobody's perfect......so why practice?

Funny Quote of the Day

I've watched so many mystery stories on T.V, when I turn off the set I wipe my finger-prints off the dial. - Quotes

I've watched so many mystery stories on T.V, when I turn off the set I wipe my finger-prints off the dial.

Funny

Women say all men are the same, but they have no problem telling you how different you are from Mel Gibson. - Quotes

Women say all men are the same, but they have no problem telling you how different you are from Mel Gibson.

Funny Quote of the Day

I'm a one-man idiot. - Eddie Izzard Quotes

I'm a one-man idiot.

British Comedian Funny

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx Quotes

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

American Comedian Funny

Morgan Freeman is so class. He's so cool. He's so scary. - Jim Jim Quotes

Morgan Freeman is so class. He's so cool. He's so scary.

Canadian Comedian Funny

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. - Henry Youngman Quotes

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

American Comedian Funny

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. - Groucho Marx Quotes

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

American Comedian Funny

In the future everybody will be world famous for fifteen minutes. - Andy Warhol Quotes

In the future everybody will be world famous for fifteen minutes.

Funny

Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. - Charles De Gaulle Quotes

Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.

Charles De Gaulle

Funny

Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist. - Emo Philips Quotes

Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.

American Comedian Funny

You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up. - Quotes

You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Cute Funny Quote of the Day

Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound. - Advertisement - Quotes

Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound. - Advertisement

Funny

I bet the worst part about dying is the part where your whole life passes before you. - Jane Wagner Quotes

I bet the worst part about dying is the part where your whole life passes before you.

American Comedian Funny

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live) - Jack Handey Quotes

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

Funny

I'm not a blonde!! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! - Quotes

I'm not a blonde!! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!

Funny

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That'll do them in. - Quotes

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That'll do them in.

Computers Funny Motivational

We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. - Quotes

We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time. - Bill Cosby Quotes

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.

American Comedian Funny

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. - Steven Wright Quotes

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

American Comedian Funny

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