More - Garrison Keillor Quotes

A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.

Garrison Keillor

 American Writer Home

Let's do the nuances,

Garrison Keillor

 Nuances

They would not be smart enough to pour piss out of their boots, if the instructions were written on the sole

Garrison Keillor

 

One day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned by Lutheran Brotherhood and must re negotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who don't understand why anyone would pay more than $120.00 for a suit.

Garrison Keillor

 Brotherhood Debt

Big mistake, ... Why do I need another weekly deadline?

Garrison Keillor

 

That's the news from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average

Garrison Keillor

 Men

There's so many people who move around our country and lose track of their own ancestry. It's nice to know where you come from.

Garrison Keillor

 Ancestry

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize I'm going to miss mine by just a few days

Garrison Keillor

 

Being Lutheran, Mother believed that self-pity is a deadly sin and so is nostalgia, and she had no time for either

Garrison Keillor

 Mother

Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists in the room will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke.

Garrison Keillor