It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer:
It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: "THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE." Loosely translated, this means, "You're on your own, Bernice." Erma Bombeck
 Direction

More - Erma Bombeck Quotes

When your mother asks,

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

Erma Bombeck

 Advice American Journalist
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say,

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me.

Erma Bombeck

 Action Editor's Pick inspirational Life And Death Quote of the Day
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

Erma Bombeck

 American Journalist
Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.

Erma Bombeck

 
Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.

Erma Bombeck

 American Journalist
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

Erma Bombeck

 American Journalist Comedy
I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

Erma Bombeck

 American Journalist
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Erma Bombeck

 American Journalist Editor's Pick Funny Quote of the Day Short
Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.

Erma Bombeck

 Adults Graduation
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone? - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

Erma Bombeck

 American Journalist
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