In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better. Ellen DeGeneres
 American Comedian Beginning Funny

More - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

"I see those picketers, and I think you know, if I weren't a loving, non-violent, spiritual person, I would really go over there and grab those signs and smash them over their heads and shove them up their asses. But...I'm a loving, spiritual person."

Ellen DeGeneres

 
Yeah [I'm thirty-six], but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

Yeah [I'm thirty-six], but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow.

Ellen DeGeneres

 

"I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: "Ohhh my God, you're thin."

Ellen DeGeneres

 

"I'm feeling so good. I feel like a million bucks. I'm focused, I'm alert, I'm zippy and top of my game.. I've never felt better! I'm sharp as a tack right now. And what's weird is that I didn't get a good nights sleep last night. And they say that's the most important thing..Or is it breakfast they said?..That's the most important meal of the day, breakfast...yes. And then it's 'i' before 'e' I know that..Um.. diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dog is a man's best friend.. What was I talking about?..Oh that's right, that I feel great and I'm at the top of my game. And it's odd because I didn't get hardly any sleep last night. And, they say that's the most important thing."

Ellen DeGeneres

 
Hello?..Oh, hi Tom. Ooh, I've been dying to see that movie...Mmm no, I just opened up some yogurt. I am in for the night....Not even later, it's the kind with the fruit on the bottom. Thanks anyway. Have fun.

Hello?..Oh, hi Tom. Ooh, I've been dying to see that movie...Mmm no, I just opened up some yogurt. I am in for the night....Not even later, it's the kind with the fruit on the bottom. Thanks anyway. Have fun." "Oh...Sorry I'm late...Traffic. Hm. Really? How you think I got here? Hellacoptered in?

Ellen DeGeneres

 Dying
I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off.

Ellen DeGeneres

 American Comedian Approval Funny
Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor.

Ellen DeGeneres

 
I feel sorry for the newscasters you know? We can turn it off. But that's their job and they have to read these stories and they're just coming up on the teleprompter they don't know what's coming up. and they have to go through these change of emotions. That..

I feel sorry for the newscasters you know? We can turn it off. But that's their job and they have to read these stories and they're just coming up on the teleprompter they don't know what's coming up. and they have to go through these change of emotions. That.. "There were no survivors...And next Which candybar helps ya lose weight! Still to come! Is an asteroid headed towards earth...But first where to find the cheesiest pizza in town! Also, a disturbing study finds that studies are disturbing...

Ellen DeGeneres

 
I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.

Ellen DeGeneres

 
And we certainly don't have full conversations on cellphones. You know? Usually the reception is so bad, but it's only bad on your side. The person talking to you has no clue...They're just rambling on and on. You've got your finger jammed in your ear, you're shushing people on the streets. You're ducked behind a dumpster so you can hear about your friend's new hair cut. 'What about the bangs are they shorter?!?...Are the bangs shorter?!?...THE BAAANGS!!! - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

And we certainly don't have full conversations on cellphones. You know? Usually the reception is so bad, but it's only bad on your side. The person talking to you has no clue...They're just rambling on and on. You've got your finger jammed in your ear, you're shushing people on the streets. You're ducked behind a dumpster so you can hear about your friend's new hair cut. 'What about the bangs are they shorter?!?...Are the bangs shorter?!?...THE BAAANGS!!!

Ellen DeGeneres

 
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