He always threatened to kill us when I was a child, and I always thought he would do it; and I grew up, and he had, ... I mean there's was lots of violence, but it never came to the ultimate thing. And then you developed a certain guilt because you always thought your father was going to try to kill you and he never did and then you feel sort of guilty about it. Well, no matter what he is, no matter all the despicable things he's done, why would I have thought that way about him? He is my father. Dean Koontz